Today I found an email that was buried in my bulk mail box. It was from a friend of mine who recently had a baby. He was sending me photos of his brand new daughter. She's beautiful. He's so proud and I'm so happy for him. He has found all the things he ever wanted.
I look around and I see everyone around me living the life they wanted. All of them are happy and I'm still not. I keep acquiring things instead because I feel like it's the only thing I can do. It's so stupid because I know better. I know that things can't replace people. Things can never take the place of a person. I guess it's just what desperate people do.
The problem now is that there is nothing left that I want to acquire. I'm at a dead end and I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go from here.
Back at the beginning of the year I was feeling so in control of my life. I felt hopeful and happy and inspired. I felt like this would be my year. I thought everything was going to come together and it was just a matter of time. I even tried internet dating! I honestly believed that I was finally going to find my Mr. Right. I guess that was naive.
I've spent the last 12 years of my life searching for Mr. Right and I thought just because I deliberately went looking I'd find him. As if just wanting it bad enough would make it happen. That is really naive.
On Sunday I was at a Scrapbooking crop with Kate and Lisa. We were at a table with a lady who was just married a couple of months ago. It was her second marriage and her husband's first. She said that he had told her that he had looked for 57 years to find the right person. She said that she never would have believed that she would be in that position
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